[He wasn't the most reaching-out-type person, that was true. McCoy didn't like asking for help, even from Jim, but he needed a friend. He looked up when the man came through the tent flap and just patted the cot.]
[He could see the worry on Jim's face and it made him smile a little. His best friend wasn't the best at hiding things. When Jim was sitting down he let himself lean over so their shoulders touched. He needed the contact.]
What if you didn't do that? What do you do? And how do you see it coming so you can avoid it the next time? If you try for a next time.
[Talking emotions wasn't comfortable or pleasant, but he had to try with someone and Jim was his go-to by default. It was so much easier comforting Jim though! McCoy didn't like being the one under the microscope.]
[McCoy sighed and leaned a little more against Jim.]
I don't think I'm cut out for this Jim. I can deal with the quota with the nice lady Julian recommended, but the relationship thing . . . I don't understand it at all anymore. Flirtin is fine, but I don't like the casual thing, and apparently, I can't read men at all. Probably not that surprisin since I never tried before.
[He was laughing at himself in a wry fashion. It wasn't that Kurt hadn't liked him or wanted to have sex, the guy did. He just didn't really want more than the occasional encounter and some basic friendship. It was McCoy who'd wanted more. And neither one of them was to blame for wanting different things, even if it felt weird to be the one wanting more. It was just a little sad. Well, at the moment it was a lot sad, which was why he was leaning on Jim.
McCoy would get over it, he just didn't like it. And it also meant he could even see Kurt for a while even though he wanted to. Not till he'd worked through his issues. He wasn't ruining a nice friendship.]
[McCoy sighed and shook his head, giving that man a look.]
Y'know, maybe I should go talk to Dax. I just realized you're not any good at keepin relationships. An I told ya, I'm good for quota, so long as we can stay in the city anyway. It's a lot . . . messier otherwise. But I'm ok there. I just . . . I guess I liked someone, but he didn't want that. It . . . hurts, ya know? It hurts.
[ Jim is trying, he wants to help, but it's true that he doesn't have an idea what to say, has fallen back on the platitudes. But he also doesn't want Bones to think he can't come to Jim, because he's not so sure that McCoy will go to anyone else. ]
Yeah. That sucks. Look, it makes sense to try to protect your heart a little in a place like this, to try to make sure you're on the same page if you start wanting things to get to be more.
[He snorted and shook his head, then sighed and sat up, moving away from Jim. Clearly, he had to stand on his own two feet. It was ok. Jim was there even if he wasn't really much help. Just being there was a comfort.]
I wasn't in love or anythin, but I think I coulda been. I guess that's what really hurts? That he didn't even wanna try an see? I mean, I thought people wanted to try an get together. Never expected to be turned down flat from the get-go, but it's ok. I'd rather the truth and a little pain now rather than a lot later. That's a good thing. I'll be ok Jim. It just hurts for now I guess.
Do you think he's not interested in that at all, or that it was just too much too fast for him? Some people aren't good at commitment, and some people panic when you lay it all out on the table.
[ Maybe the truth and pain now is actually making the problem worse. It's hard to tell from only second hand. ]
[He gave the man a look, then softened it with a hand on Jim's shoulder.]
I asked if he might wanna go on a date, see if there could be somethin there. Said he didn't do that, but friends with ah, benefits? Is that the way you say it? Friends that can be intimate was just fine. Which is sure somethin I'd like to do, but I'd lose my heart either way. So I just need to stay away till I work past it. Then I can at least have a drink with the guy now an then. He's . . . he's really nice Jim. It's not his fault he doesn't want deeper connections. I can understand not wantin that in this place.
[ Okay, it definitely sounds like McCoy did the first move that Jim would recommend. Asking to go on a date doesn't feel like pushing too much for someone who's interested in that sort of thing. It would have Jim running for the woods, but nobody should want to date Jim. ]
Yeah. [ He sighs, feeling for Bones and aware that he still doesn't know what to say. ]
It's his fault a little. Damn. I mean, who would look at you and know you and not want all they could get?
[ A wry half-smile. But he is offended on McCoy's behalf. ]
[It made him laugh. McCoy slapped the man's shoulder and stood up.]
That's funny, seriously. Thanks Jim, I needed a laugh, but I'll be fine. I guess I just . . . I just wanted to make sure I hadn't made some huge error or somethin. You may not really manage to keep a person for very long, but you'd know the kind of things that would really scare someone off. Try not to get in too much trouble ok? It's hard to worry about you an everyone else too.
Well, nice to hear someone say it. I just wish it wasn't an issue. But that's good, about Rhys. He's a good man Jim. You keep him happy an I think he'll do the same for you. I like him.
[ Jim snorts at that expression on Bones' face. It's not the point that he was trying to make, though, and he wonders for a moment if it's at all worth clarifying. ]
Obviously I'm sleeping with him. I'm just saying - we're friends. With benefits. There's not more than that.
[Ok, now he looks more worried than disbelieving.]
Jim, it's ok. You're allowed to like someone, you know that right? I know I make funa you a lot, but you're not that bad a romantic choice. With the right person, I think you'd be a pretty good boyfriend.
[Because seeing the men together had felt more romantic than platonic. Sure, McCoy could be reading things wrong, it was a little different seeing Jim with a guy still, but if they made each other happy . . . That was what mattered.]
Alright fine. You're a lousy bastard an ya don't deserve ta be happy. That better? I honestly don't see what's so wrong with you likein Rhys. I mean I sat right here an saw you two. Looked like romance to me.
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Backdated thingy |D
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[ And jogging, because the very fact that Bones is asking feels important. ]
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Hey.
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What's up?
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Tell me, Jim. How do you deal with rejection?
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He shrugs. ]
Brace myself against it way before it comes up.
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[Talking emotions wasn't comfortable or pleasant, but he had to try with someone and Jim was his go-to by default. It was so much easier comforting Jim though! McCoy didn't like being the one under the microscope.]
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Rejection isn't a reflection of you, it's a reflection of the relationship between you and the other person. Sometimes these things don't work out.
But you have to try, right?
[ Maybe. ]
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I don't think I'm cut out for this Jim. I can deal with the quota with the nice lady Julian recommended, but the relationship thing . . . I don't understand it at all anymore. Flirtin is fine, but I don't like the casual thing, and apparently, I can't read men at all. Probably not that surprisin since I never tried before.
[He was laughing at himself in a wry fashion. It wasn't that Kurt hadn't liked him or wanted to have sex, the guy did. He just didn't really want more than the occasional encounter and some basic friendship. It was McCoy who'd wanted more. And neither one of them was to blame for wanting different things, even if it felt weird to be the one wanting more. It was just a little sad. Well, at the moment it was a lot sad, which was why he was leaning on Jim.
McCoy would get over it, he just didn't like it. And it also meant he could even see Kurt for a while even though he wanted to. Not till he'd worked through his issues. He wasn't ruining a nice friendship.]
I think I should just stick with findin friends.
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[ Friends with benefits are also great. ]
Meeting quota is pretty important too. The rest…you can do that at whatever pace you want.
[ He hopes he’s helping. ]
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Y'know, maybe I should go talk to Dax. I just realized you're not any good at keepin relationships. An I told ya, I'm good for quota, so long as we can stay in the city anyway. It's a lot . . . messier otherwise. But I'm ok there. I just . . . I guess I liked someone, but he didn't want that. It . . . hurts, ya know? It hurts.
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[ Jim is trying, he wants to help, but it's true that he doesn't have an idea what to say, has fallen back on the platitudes. But he also doesn't want Bones to think he can't come to Jim, because he's not so sure that McCoy will go to anyone else. ]
Yeah. That sucks. Look, it makes sense to try to protect your heart a little in a place like this, to try to make sure you're on the same page if you start wanting things to get to be more.
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I wasn't in love or anythin, but I think I coulda been. I guess that's what really hurts? That he didn't even wanna try an see? I mean, I thought people wanted to try an get together. Never expected to be turned down flat from the get-go, but it's ok. I'd rather the truth and a little pain now rather than a lot later. That's a good thing. I'll be ok Jim. It just hurts for now I guess.
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[ Maybe the truth and pain now is actually making the problem worse. It's hard to tell from only second hand. ]
What exactly did you ask him?
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I asked if he might wanna go on a date, see if there could be somethin there. Said he didn't do that, but friends with ah, benefits? Is that the way you say it? Friends that can be intimate was just fine. Which is sure somethin I'd like to do, but I'd lose my heart either way. So I just need to stay away till I work past it. Then I can at least have a drink with the guy now an then. He's . . . he's really nice Jim. It's not his fault he doesn't want deeper connections. I can understand not wantin that in this place.
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Yeah. [ He sighs, feeling for Bones and aware that he still doesn't know what to say. ]
It's his fault a little. Damn. I mean, who would look at you and know you and not want all they could get?
[ A wry half-smile. But he is offended on McCoy's behalf. ]
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That's funny, seriously. Thanks Jim, I needed a laugh, but I'll be fine. I guess I just . . . I just wanted to make sure I hadn't made some huge error or somethin. You may not really manage to keep a person for very long, but you'd know the kind of things that would really scare someone off. Try not to get in too much trouble ok? It's hard to worry about you an everyone else too.
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I think what you did sounds pretty reasonable. You didn't push for too much too fast, even if he wasn't ready for what you wanted.
[ A pause and then he adds. ]
Rhys is keeping me good.
[ He knows that, and he's grateful for it. ]
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[ But past that he's definitely a caretaker, the considerate sort. ]
Things between us, just to clarify. They're not romantic.
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Jim. I don't care who you sleep with as long as botha you consent. An Rhys is nice. The crew'd like him.
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Obviously I'm sleeping with him. I'm just saying - we're friends. With benefits. There's not more than that.
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Jim, it's ok. You're allowed to like someone, you know that right? I know I make funa you a lot, but you're not that bad a romantic choice. With the right person, I think you'd be a pretty good boyfriend.
[Because seeing the men together had felt more romantic than platonic. Sure, McCoy could be reading things wrong, it was a little different seeing Jim with a guy still, but if they made each other happy . . . That was what mattered.]
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We get along, and it's convenient, but that doesn't automatically make it something more. I'm not looking for that.
[ He doesn't need that. ]
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Alright fine. You're a lousy bastard an ya don't deserve ta be happy. That better? I honestly don't see what's so wrong with you likein Rhys. I mean I sat right here an saw you two. Looked like romance to me.
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