wherenoman | Duplicity Inbox

Just realized?

[ Jim is trying, he wants to help, but it's true that he doesn't have an idea what to say, has fallen back on the platitudes. But he also doesn't want Bones to think he can't come to Jim, because he's not so sure that McCoy will go to anyone else. ]

Yeah. That sucks. Look, it makes sense to try to protect your heart a little in a place like this, to try to make sure you're on the same page if you start wanting things to get to be more.

[He snorted and shook his head, then sighed and sat up, moving away from Jim. Clearly, he had to stand on his own two feet. It was ok. Jim was there even if he wasn't really much help. Just being there was a comfort.]

I wasn't in love or anythin, but I think I coulda been. I guess that's what really hurts? That he didn't even wanna try an see? I mean, I thought people wanted to try an get together. Never expected to be turned down flat from the get-go, but it's ok. I'd rather the truth and a little pain now rather than a lot later. That's a good thing. I'll be ok Jim. It just hurts for now I guess.

Do you think he's not interested in that at all, or that it was just too much too fast for him? Some people aren't good at commitment, and some people panic when you lay it all out on the table.

[ Maybe the truth and pain now is actually making the problem worse. It's hard to tell from only second hand. ]

What exactly did you ask him?

[He gave the man a look, then softened it with a hand on Jim's shoulder.]

I asked if he might wanna go on a date, see if there could be somethin there. Said he didn't do that, but friends with ah, benefits? Is that the way you say it? Friends that can be intimate was just fine. Which is sure somethin I'd like to do, but I'd lose my heart either way. So I just need to stay away till I work past it. Then I can at least have a drink with the guy now an then. He's . . . he's really nice Jim. It's not his fault he doesn't want deeper connections. I can understand not wantin that in this place.

[ Okay, it definitely sounds like McCoy did the first move that Jim would recommend. Asking to go on a date doesn't feel like pushing too much for someone who's interested in that sort of thing. It would have Jim running for the woods, but nobody should want to date Jim. ]

Yeah. [ He sighs, feeling for Bones and aware that he still doesn't know what to say. ]

It's his fault a little. Damn. I mean, who would look at you and know you and not want all they could get?

[ A wry half-smile. But he is offended on McCoy's behalf. ]

[It made him laugh. McCoy slapped the man's shoulder and stood up.]

That's funny, seriously. Thanks Jim, I needed a laugh, but I'll be fine. I guess I just . . . I just wanted to make sure I hadn't made some huge error or somethin. You may not really manage to keep a person for very long, but you'd know the kind of things that would really scare someone off. Try not to get in too much trouble ok? It's hard to worry about you an everyone else too.

[ Jim makes a face. And then he sobers. ]

I think what you did sounds pretty reasonable. You didn't push for too much too fast, even if he wasn't ready for what you wanted.

[ A pause and then he adds. ]

Rhys is keeping me good.

[ He knows that, and he's grateful for it. ]

Well, nice to hear someone say it. I just wish it wasn't an issue. But that's good, about Rhys. He's a good man Jim. You keep him happy an I think he'll do the same for you. I like him.

He's got a good head on his shoulders.

[ But past that he's definitely a caretaker, the considerate sort. ]

Things between us, just to clarify. They're not romantic.

[His face? His face says that's a huge lie that has no point.]

Jim. I don't care who you sleep with as long as botha you consent. An Rhys is nice. The crew'd like him.

[ Jim snorts at that expression on Bones' face. It's not the point that he was trying to make, though, and he wonders for a moment if it's at all worth clarifying. ]

Obviously I'm sleeping with him. I'm just saying - we're friends. With benefits. There's not more than that.

[Ok, now he looks more worried than disbelieving.]

Jim, it's ok. You're allowed to like someone, you know that right? I know I make funa you a lot, but you're not that bad a romantic choice. With the right person, I think you'd be a pretty good boyfriend.

[Because seeing the men together had felt more romantic than platonic. Sure, McCoy could be reading things wrong, it was a little different seeing Jim with a guy still, but if they made each other happy . . . That was what mattered.]

[ Jim shakes his head, more rueful than denying anything. ]

We get along, and it's convenient, but that doesn't automatically make it something more. I'm not looking for that.

[ He doesn't need that. ]

[McCoy sighed and shook his head.]

Alright fine. You're a lousy bastard an ya don't deserve ta be happy. That better? I honestly don't see what's so wrong with you likein Rhys. I mean I sat right here an saw you two. Looked like romance to me.

Glad you understand.

He's a friend. There's a fair bit of difference between that and romance.

[Nope. Not buying it. But he could tell it was time to drop it.]

So what was I sayin before we started arguin about your sex life?

That you're giving up on romance, or something silly like that.

Oh. Right. Yeah. I mean, for now anyway. I don't think I'm cut out for romance in this place and it's probably just safer that way. I can do quota fine with the local lady, so that isn't really a need either. Besides, who'd even want me?

[He gave Jim a wry smirk. McCoy would get over his little upset soon enough. It would just be easier to stop even thinking about love.]

[ Jim frowns right back. ]

If your man is making you think like that, maybe I do need to go have a word with him.

Jim, I just got finished tellin you the only person I'd maybe wanna date isn't into that. It's not his fault he doesn't feel the same. Not my fault either. But it does make me wonder how I read things so wrong. So takin things extra slow seems like a good plan. I'm not mortally wounded or anythin, honest. It stings some but I'll get over it. Just . . . needed to talk to my best friend.

[He gave Jim a slight smile and a pat on the shoulder. Then a squeeze to the shoulder. The man didn't always help, but sometimes you just wanted someone in your corner.]

No beatin people up, ok? There's a reason I never said who I was talkin about.

You change your mind, and you know I would absolutely beat him up for you.

[ Jim offers Bones a rueful smile, fully aware that his friend isn't going to change his mind on that, that it doesn't matter how much he means it. ]

[McCoy chuckled and rubbed at Jim's hair a little, just enough to mess it up.]

Thank you, mom. I'll remember to come tattle if someone calls me names too. But honest Jim. No one was being deliberately cruel. We just wanted different things, and he said so right off. I can't fault anyone for being honest even if there's a sting to it. It's just been a hellova long time since I put myself out there at all. Forgot how much that can take outta ya.

[ Jim can't help the part of himself that wants to protect Bones from anything that might hurt him, even if it's Bones himself.

Or, hell, Jim himself. ]

I'm glad you got this cleared up early, at least.

I mean yeah. I'd rather he liked the idea of a few dates at least, but yeah. Hurts a lot less if you haven't gotten attached.

[Except he sort of had gotten attached, to the idea at least. And giving up on it wasn't much fun either. He was still working on that part.]

When we get out of here, I'll owe you a drink.

[ He doesn't know what else to offer. So he claps Bones on the shoulder. Hopefully it's been some help. ]

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